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The Monkey (2025): Don't March to This Drum

I had no idea what I was getting into with The Monkey. I went in more or less blind, but given that it was based on a Stephen King story, I had some hope. With the success of It and even the more mediocre Pet Sematary remake, I figured this could be another solid King adaptation. Man, was I ever misguided.

Image by IMDb

Aesthetic Confusion: What Year Is It?

Right away, something felt off. The film starts in 1999—or at least that’s what it claims—but absolutely nothing in the children’s room or the general set design reflects that era. No Blockbuster VHS tapes, no Nirvana posters, no era-appropriate TV shows, not even the right music. Instead, it all feels straight out of the 80s. Then we meet the boys’ Aunt and Uncle, and we’re suddenly in That 70’s Show. The uncle even has the classic 70’s sideburns. The entire aesthetic is a bizarre mishmash of decades, making it feel like the filmmakers didn’t actually care about immersing the audience in the supposed time period.

Image by The Harvard Crimson

An Identity Crisis of Epic Proportions

This movie has no idea what it wants to be. It seems like it was trying to be a horror-comedy in the vein of Freaky or Cooties, but it fails on all fronts. The so-called “funny” moments were cringe-worthy, and the horror? Nonexistent. Instead, it’s just a gore fest—but not even a well-done one. It feels like they had a special effects budget they were desperate to burn through, so they just made everything explode. People explode. Objects explode. Jumping into a pool? Somehow, that makes them explode too. The only worthwhile kill happens at the very beginning, and I mistakenly thought that moment was setting the tone for the rest of the movie. It wasn’t.

Pick a Plot, Any Plot!

To quote Inside Out: Pick a plot line! The film has a main storyline and a bunch of side plots, but none of them are fleshed out. They barely exist, and when they do, they just loosely string together in the laziest way possible.

  • The main plot: The cursed monkey toy kills people—but why? No one knows. The only backstory we get is that the boys’ father brought it back from the war. That’s it. No explanation of how it works, no established rules, nothing. It’s as if the writers didn’t even bother figuring it out.
  • The subplot about the two brothers hating each other: There’s no real reason for their deep resentment. Sure, Bill bullied his brother as a kid, but nothing to justify them wanting each other completely out of their lives, let alone dead.
  • The subplot about the main character and his estranged 12-year-old son: The kid is dropped into the story out of nowhere for their “yearly” visit, yet the dynamic between them is painfully hollow. The father doesn’t try to bond with the kid, doesn’t tell him anything about what’s going on, and actively pushes him aside. The son expresses hatred and sorrow, but there’s no emotional arc, no resolution—just a whole lot of nothing.

And those are just the main subplots. There are others that get even less attention, existing only for brief moments before being completely forgotten.

Image by Screen Rant

Some of the Worst Writing I’ve Ever Seen

I actually leaned over to my wife during the movie and whispered, “Was this written by a 7-year-old?” And honestly, that might be an insult to some 7-year-olds. The dialogue is laughably bad, like a child trying to write how they think adults talk.

Example: When the main character talks about his mother’s death, his co-worker responds with, “Man, that sucks.” That’s the level of emotional depth this film operates on. And that line isn’t even a one-off—variations of “Man, that sucks” and “That’s cool” are sprinkled throughout the movie. It all just feels so amateurish and lazy.

Image by IMDb

No Suspense, No Payoff

The only suspenseful moment happens in the very beginning, and then it disappears faster than my interest in the movie. There’s no build-up, no tension, no eerie atmosphere—just a collection of dull scenes strung together by bad writing and even worse execution.


Image by The Harvard Crimson

Final Score: 1/10

Do not waste your time or money on The Monkey. We went on a cheap night and used scene points to get in for free, and I still feel like I should get my money back.

Pros:

  • The first kill was decent.

Cons:

  • Identity crisis: Tries to be horror-comedy but fails at both.
  • Terrible writing: Sounds like it was written by a child.
  • No plot coherence: The story doesn’t follow its own rules, and subplots are half-baked.
  • No suspense: The movie blows its only tense moment early and never recovers.
  • Aesthetic confusion: Claims to be set in 1999 but looks like the 80s/70s.
  • Over-the-top, pointless gore: Everything explodes for no reason.

Bottom line? Don’t even bother.

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